Bunker Talk
by Musafreen
Summary: Featuring Piper McLean, Leo Valdez, a messy breakup and a random monster. Because romance is a little overrated.


**Notes:** Written for TackAttack's Halloween Challenge. Prompts involved were Piper and a Witch's costume.

Not one of my best works, to be honest. My apologies.

**Word Count:** 973

* * *

"There, that's perfect."

Piper (who had been crouching in the mud trying really, really hard not to think about the giant bugs outside the bunker) stopped clutching at her dagger and stared at Leo instead.

"Really," she said flatly, "It's perfect?"

"You're a Witch," Leo declared, holding up the black, flaring costume, "Perfect, see?"

"The hemline is ridiculous, there's no way I would be able to walk in that and- Leo, there are giant flesh-eating ants outside!"

"Yeah, I figured that out when one of them tried to eat me."

"So would you _stop_ trying to find me a Halloween costume?!"

Leo ignored her and shook out the costume instead. It was black and flared and it had a hat so tall that was probably violating building codes somewhere.

Turned out that the underground bunker of Cabin Nine wasn't just about weapons of mass destruction and flying ships. It was also about everyone aboveground stuffing all kinds of junk into it. If it wasn't important enough to end up in the Big House attic, it went here. In the process of running away from flesh-eating bugs, she and Leo had managed to stumble upon a collection of mutilated musical instruments, dozens of dented/cracked flower pots, stage sets, Halloween costumes and a room filled entirely with what looked like tins of dog food.

Camp had an interesting history. Either that, or Piper figured that at some point the Hephaestus kids had made considerable cash as junk collectors.

But anyway, they were in the Halloween costume rooms right now, and Leo had apparently dismissed the very real danger if favor of finding her a costume. She had no idea why he was finding her a costume rather than finding himself one, but she supposed it was just another Leo thing.

Also, they were interesting costumes.

Hey, she could look, all right?

"Aren't you supposed to be leading us back to the Cabins, Leo?"

"Well, yeah," Leo nodded, "but this costume is perfect. You should totally have it, giant ants or not."

And right on cue, a giant ant tunneled out of a wall, because duh. Giant ant, complete with giant anthills. Piper screamed and attacked it with her dagger.

"Leo!"

"This way," he told her, pointing towards the far wall (thank the gods).

"Would you let go of the stupid costume?" Piper demanded. Mostly because Leo looked like he was trying to figure out how to carry it with him.

"This might be important- look out!"

Leo crashed into her and Piper yelped, just as one of the ants drew itself up on shattered legs and snapped it's mandibles at her, which met Leo's arm with a clank.

"Leo!"

"I'm okay," Leo told her, his other hand coming up and charring the ant, "You should run, there's a door behind the next entrance, and a locking mechanism and-"

Piper ignored him and lunged, cutting the thing's head off. Then she grabbed Leo by his uninjured hand and dragged him to the far wall. After fifty minutes, consisting of plenty of muttering and assisted running and searching for reserves of nectar, Piper and Leo ended up in what Leo told her was approximately the cellar of the Cabin Nine. At which point they decided to sit down for a couple of minutes because wow, running in these tunnels took a lot of effort.

"What," Piper demanded, as soon as she's gotten her breath back, "Were you_ thinking_?"

Leo shrugged uncomfortably.

"Valdez, are you _listening_ to me? Or do you want me to shout it out?"

"Because you've been like this all month."

"_What?_"

"_This_- you're never happy," Leo grumbled, "And none of my jokes work on you, and I tried to get Jason to talk to you but you don't even listen to him anymore-"

"He dumped me! Not exactly the happiest moment of my life."

"You guys were under a _spell_."

"He was still my boyfriend," Piper snapped back, "And what made you think getting me a costume in the middle of a fight was a good idea?"

"Because you actually showed interest in them when we first saw them," Leo told her, "I'm getting a little desperate here, all right? My best friend's a zombie in all but name and she won't even accept that there are still people around who care about her and how she feels. I'll take my options where I can get them."

Piper opened her mouth for a heated protest on how that was not a valid reason, and realized that Leo was cautiously holding his left arm far away from the wall, nectar or not. And that there were still pieces of half-burnt black fabric clutched in his hand.

It still hurt, thinking about Jason.

But Leo didn't deserve her ire, did he?

Piper sighed.

"Leo?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry. And thanks."

"Hey, no problem," Leo grinned at her, "I live to serve. And besides, you were right. The witch costume was wrong for you. What every beauty queen really needs is a tiara, after all."

That made Piper stop and stare nervously at him. And true to himself, Leo replied by pulling out the most garish, glittering white and pink concoction that was ever dreamed up by an eight year old on an overdose of ponies and sugar from his toolbox.

"For you."

Piper was horrified. "You wouldn't."

"You don't like it?" Leo asked her.

Piper gave him a look. Leo only beamed right back at her. And after a few long moments of beaming, she sighed, held out her hand and put the stupid thing on.

In hindsight, she wished she had been happy with the Witch. Drew would have had less to laugh about if it had been a witch's hat, and the whole 'Dumpster Queen in a Tiara' Facebook album would probably never have existed.

* * *

**Notes:** Why yes, I do ship Leo/Piper. Why do you ask?

Anyway, this is massively rushed and clearly not going to be one of my better works. There is a distinct lack of semi-original elements, for one. And I have no idea what to do with HoO characters because my reading of the series has been rushed at best. But comments are still appreciated, including the critical ones.


End file.
